Last Friday, I had dinner with my dear friend Caroline and the conversation we had stuck with me (the signs of a great convo!). We spoke about creativity, passion, perspectives, and growth. I don’t remember if I said it aloud or thought it during our meal, but I have always felt the intense need to express myself.
Matter of fact, I am a serial expresser. I know that’s probably not a real word or phrase, but maybe you already get it. I am constantly trying to find ways to get my thoughts, emotions, and questions out of my body and into the world. I can physically feel it needing to get out. Every two weeks or so, like clockwork, something in my chest literally tightens and I feel kind of like I am suffocating. Before you think, “Aysia…. do you need a doctor or something? This sounds abnormal,” I’m fine. I’m used to it. I don’t know whether to call it anxiety or emotions or just some kind of inexplicable soul thing, but it’s me. I’ve been treating it ever since I can remember.
In high school, I had a blog called The Millennial Life . I cannot believe I hyperlinked that (CRINGE). It was a 2009 version of myself and as embarrassing as it is to share, I still want to. I wrote about mundane things like high school projects and boys and deeper things like analyzing cultures and arts and my own thoughts. In college, I wrote a few posts on a different blog called Tickets, Please. I didn’t care whether anyone read either of them, I only knew how much I needed to let my thoughts out. It was a necessary therapy. Writing with no rules felt so good.
If you dig deep into that old high school blog, you’ll see that I used to sew, do photography, and was on the debate team. Each of those hobbies required turning my ideas into something tangible – concepts to garments, thoughts to photographs, conflicts into persuasive arguments. Today, I have this tiny corner of the internet and a community of great people who let me turn my thoughts into conversations and other events. Are you seeing a pattern here?
I want this to be a quick blog post, so I will wrap it up. I’m sharing this because perhaps you also have the tightening in your chest. If you are yearning to express yourself, let it out, my friend, because imploding doesn’t sound fun. If you have something to say, say it somewhere or to someone. If you’re unsure about what you want to do, try journaling, starting a blog or a new Instagram account! Do it for you and I’m confident it will lead you somewhere.